“The fear I had when I met my husband, the fear of letting go, of really trusting someone with my whole being, the fear of being disappointed, once I have surrendered to someone… the fear of complacency, depression, mediocrity within marriage… the fear of saying “Yes” to a relationship and then having to say “No” later if it didn’t work…the fear of being stagnant… which to me was part of marriage, this fear up until I met him, had kept me from having long term relationships. But when I met him, before I knew it, I was beyond the point of no return. I was more afraid of the relationship working than of it not working, because I knew how to be alone, but I didn’t know how to have a relationship.
Someone told me in my late teens that fear was the driving force behind all negative emotions. That anger, resentment, jealousy, all negative emotions were a result of fear somehow, the fear of failing, the fear of looking silly, the fear of being laughed at, the fear of love, death, becoming or appearing crazy, the fear of letting go, the fear of and the list goes on. Though I understood it philosophically at the time, it has taken me another 20 years to assimilate this. Fear is a paralyzing emotion; other stifling emotions appear when fear predominates, and that if we can recognize the fear behind our depression, our anger, our jealousy, then we can move forward.
Our reality is really our reality and how when we let go of preconceived notions with regards to everything…when we stop being fearful of what others think of what we are doing, and whether it fits into the status quo, i.e. “a healthy relationship means xx” or whatever, all the preconceived notions, how often we need to have sex (according to someone else’s standards), how we should interact, how we should be, what it means to love, what we should do, … and we create our own reality within our own relationships, then we can truly be , as we were meant to be.
“Today I’m gratefully inspired by love rather than fear”